January 11th, 2017
Hello, Everyone! Welcome to my Comment Wall! I am excited about this Indian Epics Course and look forward to receiving comments from you all!
Here is a link to my new StoryBook Site!
The Wild West
Image Information: Wild West Show at High Chaparral by High Chaparral Sweden
Source: Wikimedia.
Wow these are great plans for a storybook! I really like your idea of using the characters from the Ramayana and putting them into the Wild West. I also like that you want to make each character have their own independent story. It could be cool if you did a back story for each character and created their persona and then every few stories or at the end you could have them meet each other and something crazy could happen. I noticed that you had the word “intimating” instead of “intimidating” in your first paragraph. Be careful and make sure to reread your work slowly when you are done because mistakes like this will not be caught by a spell-check! I also think your intro would be much stronger if you write it more like an introduction to a story instead of writing it as a plan. Your first paragraph has the right feeling, but I think you should set up the scene in your intro and get everyone ready to jump into your stories! Great work! I am excited to see the results!
ReplyDeleteAli, the first paragraph already had me pulled! I love western films and adding the characters that we know from the Ramayana into a western setting is a great idea! I absolutely love "A Million Ways to Die in the West" movie. I like the idea that you are doing separate tales, even if the characters overlap. That will give you a ton of room for ideas! You don't have to follow a strict story line either. Using dialogue, I've learned, really does help bring the characters alive and show their personalities. I love the ideas for the dramatic scenes between the characters and that you are planning on keeping the damsel in distress theme from the Ramayana. That would be awesome if you did a more comical feel to some of it. Maybe you could really over exaggerate some funny details or some ridiculous battles. (like people being shot way too many to live but somehow still live, etc.) I like the design of your page. It really feels like a real website and the graphics are perfect for your theme. Can't wait to read your stories!
ReplyDeleteAli,I like the idea of a Wild West story and I think that you will be able to write something pretty cool.
ReplyDeleteHere are my thoughts about your story:
1. The word STORYBOOK should be written as one word in your introduction.
2. I really like the image you are using - fits great with what you are trying to tell.
3. A technique that I would suggest for such a genre is "In Medias Res" which is when you begin your story with all the action occurring, and then you explain how you got to the action. I think this way, you will be able to grasp your audiences' attention right from the beginning. You can read more about it by clicking on the follow link:
https://www.britannica.com/art/in-medias-res-literature
3. Giving background along with each character, as an introduction, will make your story stronger and allow the reader to follow clearly what the story is about.
I look forward to reading your story and I hope that my comments will help. Great job so far!
Hi Ali, you have such great ideas for this storybook! I love wild west films and stories, and I think it’s really cool that you can write stories taken from our readings and put them in to that setting and adapt them like that. I also think it will be great for you to include the issues from the time like prostitution, adultery, poker, scenes in saloons, etc. This is a perfect way for you to take the stories we read and put your own spin on them while making them more “fun”. (Not that adultery or prostitution is “fun”, goodness, but you get what I’m saying.) I think you picked the perfect image for this post! It really communicated what you were saying about what you wanted to do with this project. Great job Ali, I am excited to come back and see what you do with all these cool ideas!
ReplyDeleteI was scrolling through the storybook options for my free choice, and as soon as I saw the title of yours, I knew I had to read it. I grew up thinking I hated Westerns, and I guess I’m still not big on a lot of the old movies—but as soon as I saw Tombstone, I fell in love Doc Holliday and all the other gunslingers and outlaws, and the Wild West itself. The time period itself appeals so much to the imagination, and the fact that it’s already populated by such larger-than-life characters makes it the perfect vehicle for stories about the equally larger-than-life characters from the epics.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Karna is practically already a Western hero even without much tweaking. He’s got that outsider status, a little bit of a tragic background and an antihero edge, a built-in rivalry with Arjuna (plus that whole “You guys would be unstoppable if you could just get along and team up” angle they had)… Just swap out his bow for a gun and he’s good to go, haha. I’m really excited to see what you do with him and all the other characters; they seem like they’ll all translate so well. It’ll be fun to see what characters reappear with sort of cameos in each other’s stories, too.
Anyways, sorry for the overly long comment, but as you can see, I’m really excited about this one. I’ll definitely be back to read more.
Hi Ali, I really like your idea for this storybook. i think the idea of a wild wild west theme can be incorporated rather flawlessly, as you've shown. It's cool that you are going to make the stories independent, as that will be easier for to create separate stories that can do sorta do their own thing, if that makes sense. My favorite thing about your storybook idea is the damsel in distress thing you have with Sita and Rama. That's one of the better ideas I've seen and I'm jealous I couldn't think of this haha! One thing that I think would make your introduction even better is if you were to add some character descriptions for the stories you plan on telling, If the characters were described, the reader may anticipate the stories you have to tell even more so! Great start, and I can't wait to read your storybook!
ReplyDeleteRight away, I love the lay out of your Storybook. It has great pictures and it is visually appealing. It makes me excited to read your stories eventually. The spin of the wild west is a great idea. When you think of names such as Rama and Lakshama you never think of the wild west. I think that you might have the wrong idea for what the introduction entails. You are writing it from your own perspective, but it needs to be from the stories perspective. Fixing the introduction will allow your storybook to come to life, which is what we need!
ReplyDeleteUsing the Ramayama as a guide to the characters would be a good start. How do you perceive each character? Writing a storybook will allow you to be really creative! If you read the source story and think of the character a certain way, you should portray this to your storybook and make the character the way you see it!
I think that this storybook will be great! I will definitely be back to make comments later in the semester!
Hey Ali! Your storybook idea is very interesting! It is definitely something that I would not have thought of. However, the introduction read more like a story planning post and less of a story--unless that is the approach you were hoping on taking. I understand that you want to incorporate Wild West scenes with the various characters of both the Ramayana and the Mahabaratha; however, I would be very cautious as it may be easy to jumble the characters and stories to where the readers may get confused with the original epic. But, if your intention is to create stories with the characters intertwined, then go for it! Personally, I haven't had much interaction with Wild West stories so I am excited to see how you write these stories and the direction you take with them!
ReplyDeleteAli,
ReplyDeleteI love the verbiage you have used in your introduction. I had no issues trying to understand what your theme was or what you were intending to say with your sentences which is very impressive and hard to do when you are writing to sound different than the way we are taught to write. Excellent job! I really like the image you used for your banner on the home page, but the introduction page banner image isn’t as enticing to me personally. Since you are still working on your introduction there may be information that may be irrelevant in this, but if you are leaving the names of the movies which you will be using for inspiration, the capitalization needs some correcting and same goes with the Author’s Note “Trail of Tears” reference. Since you mentioned drunken stupors as a story idea, don’t forget about the burning of Khandhava forest. I think this storybook will be fun to read and look forward to following up soon!
Ali, first of all your website for your storybook is absolutely beautiful. I am so impressed at how well it is put together. I love the images and the colors that you have chosen to feature on the different pages. I was immediately excited to read your introduction. Your introduction was very clear and easy to understand. I like how you wrote from your own voice, that really showed how much you cared about your storybook and how badly you want your story to be understandable. I am very excited to see where you take your idea this semester and cannot wait to see how you design the different pages of your storybook!
ReplyDeleteAli, I love your general idea for your storybook as well as your layout and design! It is very similar to mine, although mine is very simple and sleek because I wanted a sleek “Apple”, modern like feel to it. Have you watched HBO’s “Westworld”? I immediately thought about it when I started reading your introduction. It’s an incredible show about the future, only it’s set in a theme park of the wild west. If anything, you should definitely check out that show for inspiration (and study breaks!), and I’m sure it would be a great place for image sources to add to your book. I can’t wait to read what you do with this storyline, I’m sure it will be thrilling! I think it’s a great way to remain parallel to the original stories, yet adding in your own western twist! I can’t wait to check in and read more.
ReplyDeleteI remembered being really excited to see how your Indian myth/Wild West crossover was going to unfold, so today I decided to track it down and see how it’s grown. This storybook concept is so much fun, and it freshens the characters up so much to see them in an unfamiliar setting, but with some of the same core characteristics to tie them to their roots. The descriptions you gave for all of them in the intro were perfect (Ravana as pugnacious town drunk will never cease to amuse me, I don’t think), and I enjoyed getting to see that play out in the first story. I really love the idea of incorporating one of the other heroes at the end of “One Tough Tornado,” too, just to make the town feel more real and populated, and to plant the character you’re going to use in later stories. It’s cool how they all cross over into each other’s stories in the Indian epics, and it sounds like they’re going to do the same here, which is awesome. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteHey Ali, I’m back! Have you had the chance to watch West World yet? I recommend it - I think it would give great inspiration to what you have going here! First and foremost, I love your concept! After reading your introduction, I was really happy to see that Professor Gibbs steered me back to your direction so that I would be able to check out your story, “One Tough Tornado”! I really like that you have so much dialogue in your story, I think that it does a really great job of making the story more easily visualized. It’s as if I can hear and see them talking to one another myself! There are some moments when you have grammar mistakes and it’s a little slow to get through, but I’m sure with Professor Gibbs’s help, you’ll clean them up right away. I try to read my stories out loud and slowly before publishing, but even sometimes I miss things that she picks up! Great story!!!
ReplyDeleteI really like your storybook idea. The way that you write the story really fits the style you are going for. The words that you use make it sound like we are in the wild west and are actually there for the story. The dialogue in your story is a nice exchange back and forth between characters. A way to add more to your story would be instead of stating the character’s name and then placing a colon then the quote, you can incorporate more into the quote. For instance, you could say “Krishna pleaded ‘God, if you exist spare this town…’”. This adds more to the dialogue and follows the story more. Have you thought about adding more to your story? It seems a little short and it abruptly stops. You could add more of a resolution to having Krishna strangle the tornado. Was it successful? Did it ruin the town? Did anyone try to help? Answering questions like these would make the story have a conclusive ending.
ReplyDeleteAli, I really enjoyed your story telling of Krishna in the Wild West. I thought that your ideas on it during your intro were great and that the first story really played out well. I think that you have a great start and that you can create a really great story from what you have done so far. I really enjoyed how the story went with Krishna as the sheriffs partner and how the sheriff went to Krishna for advice. It was also really cool to see how Krishna became the hero of the day when he "strangled" the tornado down. The only thoughts that I had that could improve your story were just some minor grammar. I saw towards the beginning when the sheriff spoke to Krishna the wording seemed off. But that is nothing big in my opinion. Other than that, I thought that your story was really good, and I like how it played into the American Wild West theme. Great Job.
ReplyDeleteAli, I really like the ideas you have for your storybook. I would have never thought to incorporate the characters from our readings into a Western type story. I thought that was a very creative idea! After reading the intro I was immediately interested in what the rest of the storybook had to offer. You really captured the Western theme by the layout you used and how you opened up the storybook with Western Style dialogue. Also, I really liked how you made Vishnu a sheriff that is the ‘storyteller’ of the storybook. I think this idea is so great. You could expand on the characters in the readings and give them each their own individual Western style backgrounds. I am sure you will think of very interesting ways to do so. I cannot wait to see how you introduce the other characters into your storybook. Good job and keep it up!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading these first couple stories. I felt like you did a great job of translating the stories from the Indian Epics we’ve read so far into the setting you chose for your storybook. I really enjoyed reading about these characters and seeing how you slightly manipulated bits and pieces of their stories so that they would be like folks from the Wild West while still maintaining all the important character traits from the source material that make them who they are. This was also a really creative choice of setting for the storybook so props to you for picking something so interesting. One thing I would love to see more of in the last story would be to get a chance to see Arjuna actually fighting an enemy. It’s one thing to say that Arjuna is the best cowboy this side of the Rio Grande, and another entirely to actually show that he’s the best. I enjoyed reading this! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHello Ali! At first, when I saw that the theme of this storybook was western I kind of rolled my eyes in frustration. But what you have done so far is awesome and I really enjoyed it! I usually do not like western things but I caught myself reading the intro and stories in a western accent hah. My favorite part about the entire storybook is that it actually follows a western dialect. In addition, you gave an amazing description at the beginning of the second story of Arjuna. I chuckled a little when you introduced him as .... Eastwood. Arjuna Eastwood. I can't really think of any suggestions for you because what you have so far seems well thought out already. I am looking forward to seeing what the news Arjuna is going to get from his family. I got my fingers crossed hoping that his mom isn't actually dead! But I see in the author's not she does die but maybe you could have some sort of twist where his brother need help taking down some monster or something like that.
ReplyDeleteHello Ali! I really enjoyed your story! It was very unique and different than most of the stories i have read so far. The imagination and creativity you put into this story is very evident and it paid off very well. I will admit this is the first story I have read that has actually made me laugh a little. I got a kick out of this part, "Bad guys go runnin' Whenever he's in town. He's the rootinest, tootinest, shootinest, cowboy around, and His name was Eastwood. Arjuna Eastwood." I thought this was great, and exactly how i pictured Arjuna. The only thing I would add, despite Arjuna not speaking much, would be a little more narrative. It can really help the reader relate to certain characters and give more perspective. This story turned out really good. I am excited to see what happens and will be back for more. Keep up the good work, Ali!
ReplyDeleteThe 1993 film Tombstone is not only the only Western movie I like, but also one of my favorite films in general, so I was really excited to see that your latest instalment was set there. The town’s so steeped in personality and legend that it functions as a character in itself, and that’s the perfect kind of setting for the vibrant reimagining of the characters you’ve got going here. Speaking of characters, the translation from the epics to the Wild West works insanely well, and the shift of Arjuna from ancient warrior to archetypal Western gunslinger hero is perfect. The backstory/motivation with his sick mom fleshes him out beyond stereotype, too.
ReplyDeleteMy only suggestion is that you might clarify what you mean by “Indian” people; the Western narrative makes it seem like you mean Native American Indians, but the fact that this is an Indian Epics class makes it a little ambiguous. But your cliffhanger here makes for a pretty glorious ending, and I’m looking forward to seeing how Arjuna evolves because of the changes you outlined in your author’s note. Great job, as always!
Hi, Ali!
ReplyDeleteI thought your combination of Indian mythology and the wild west was a hilarious but brilliant idea! I never would have thought of it! I loved the fact that you made Vishnu the sheriff in town (because he is the god of protection so it fit perfectly!), and I loved how you focused on Krishna in your first story and Arjun in your second; I liked both of those characters, particularly Arjun, and I’m glad you decided to elaborate on them! Honestly, I had no serious comments or concerns while reading through your storybook aside from some minor details. One thing would be that the tab for your second story, A New Face in Town, looks different from the other tabs because it’s not all upper cased. Just change that and it’ll be consistent with everything else! The other thing is that on that same chapter, the second sentence is “Talented, handsome, witty, and bold.” which isn’t really a sentence. You could either say “He was talented… etc.” or just attach it to the next sentence. Aside from these, great job on your story!
Ali, I just wanted that I really like how you formatted your blog. It fits your story theme greatly and is really appealing to the reader's eyes. The images and the title already creates a sense of curiosity as he or she reaches the home page and intro. You were very purposeful in embodying the Wild West theme as you even used the jargon in your introduction. You set the premise for the stories you were going to publish and its characters. I love how you gave the reader an expectation of the personality of each character. I felt as though it is the perfect guide or appendix. I really like how you chose a unique writing style. You style is like that of a playwright, which I really admire. I think this writing style really provokes the reader to play the scene out in their own mind. Also, the level of detail with this style of dialogue and storytelling is great. Also, outside of the Indian epic influence on your story, I also noticed that you incorporated a biblical aspect. Ali, this is amazing work.
ReplyDeleteHi Ali! It's been over a month and a half since I last read your storybook, so I was excited to see all of the changes and additions you made to your story. I must say, I love all of the additions you have made to your story. I am a big fan of things Wild West, so I can definitely appreciate your story. You did a great job at interpreting things so the reader can really understand what's going on. I am a very visual person, so one of my favorite things about your storybook is how cool it looks! The look of your storybook makes it very easy to like. It was so easy on the eyes. Keep up the great work on your storybook, I love it so far!
ReplyDeleteHi Ali! I really enjoyed your newest addition to the storybook. The imagination and creativity you put into the characters and dialogue was very evident. The descriptive details of each character and how they behave really helped pull the reader into the story. This also helped connect some of the characters to the reader for a much deeper read. For example, sections like this "It wasn't that Arjuna disliked the natives. He didn't enjoy taking down their tribes, but he needed to make a living. You see, a man like Arjuna makes of list of his priorities, and he will let nothing and no one stand in his way. Arjuna's momma was back up North, and she was sick. Really sick. Arjuna had made it his life mission to provide for her in any way he can, and shooting down native tribes for the western towns paid well. Real well." really show how the Arjuna character behaves. Great job, I enjoyed it!
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